The Selfishness of Apathy

Oscar: "What kind of muffin would you like?"
Alfred: "I don't care."

When faced with a mostly inconsequential question like this many people often respond like our friend Alfred. At first glance the use of this phrase may seem like an altruistic endeavor, deferring the power of judgment to your question asking friend. In reality this is often not the case. Instead of shifting a privilege, what actually happens is a burden is passed from Alfred onto Oscar. Oscar must now exert energy to make the decision himself rather than simply responding to the request of his friend.

In a perfect world, Oscar would not think at all and merely make a choice at random. I tend to think this sort of ideal is rarely manifested in daily life. Instead Oscar will spend a few moments weighing any number of factors: the number of muffins remaining of each type, a past history of Alfred's choices, his own preferences for which muffins he would like to get rid of quickly, what Alfred actually wants even though he is saying he doesn't care, etc. This results in a momentary deadlock and a small but unnecessary amount of extra stress.

The point I'm haphazardly trying to make here is that passing the decision buck is in many situations not a gift, it is a responsibility. Nobody knows your own preferences better than you do, so take half a second to make a decision so that "Oscar" doesn't have to try and guess what you actually want. Consider this my formal plea that you consider the selfishness of this scenario in the future before responding "I don't care."

I met an Aussie during my travels who refused to accept this "gift" of responsibility in many circumstances. He would meet an apathetic foe head on in exchanges that went much like this: (Our hero here is played by Oscar).

Oscar: "What kind of muffin would you like?"
Alfred: "I don't care."
Oscar: "Well, what would choose if you were by yourself?

At this point the burden of decision making is once again shifted back to Alfred who must search the depths of his soul for an actual preference in order to come up with a decision. Nobody stands deadlocked on inconsequential decisions for very long when they are alone.

Perhaps a more illustrative example for the usefulness of this rebuttal is something like the following:

"Where do you want to get lunch?"
"I don't care"
"Where would you go if you were by yourself?"

This is a linguistic tool that you may find useful in future conversations. Wield this new found power with discretion.

And no, I'm generally not an Ayn Rand fan.