Music, Sweet Music I Wish I Could Caress

I've been slightly manic depressive for a few years now, not really severely enough to actually do anything about it or even be medically diagnosed. I say this because from time to time I experience periods of irrational depression and/or elatedness. They usually come close together, in pairs or cycles. Typically the periods only last for a few hours at a time, but those few hours can be quite grueling (or awesome, in the case of manic ones). I actually had my first migraine last spring, and I draw a parallel between that experience and my depression. It will start slow, gradually increase in severity until I'm almost completely incapacitated, then after a few hours eventually start to recede. Also like migraines, I have no idea what external or internal circumstances trigger my body to react in this way.

I have tried a number of things over the last few years to help cope with these sessions when they occur, some more successful than others. There are also a few things I have yet to try that I would like to, but have been too afraid. Many of these things you can find on most depression help sites, but I wanted to share my personal experience.

Disclaimer: I don't claim to be an expert on anything I write about on this blog, this being no exception. Any advice given below should be taken with a grain of salt, since it is based entirely on my own personal experience with a very mild form of depression. If you think you have clinical depression, you should seek help from a doctor. Thanks for reading my blog though :).

Reactive Things I've tried

• Drinking -- Alcohol is not a good depression remedy, for all the reasons usually mentioned. The temptation is hard to resist, however, when all you want to do is take your mind off of things. In most cases, it will probably keep your mind on things instead.
• Doing nothing -- Most of the time when I am depressed, I find it hard to do anything except lie down. It's not possible to sleep, and has contributed to my insomnia problems in the past. Other than drinking, this is probably the worst thing you can do when you are depressed in my opinion.
• Thinking "positive" -- I have always been sort of an independent, and probably arrogant, person. So when I considered the idea of "depression," I figured I could fight it off by just forcing myself to think positively. It turns out this doesn't work. At all. It just creates a battle in your own mind and causes frustration when it fails to work.
  
• Being around others -- This sounds like a good idea off the bat, but it really isn't. Whenever I am depressed and around other people, even if they are having a good time, I am pretty impervious to the mood. It also makes me feel like I am having an adverse effect on their fun, which creates a spiral of depressing thoughts.
• Cleaning -- This has probably been one of my most successful remedies for depression. I think it helps for two reasons. One, you are doing something, which helps take your mind off of depressing things. Second, it makes you feel better to have accomplished something. I also think a clean environment has an overall general positive effect on mood.
• Going for a walk in nature -- This is one of my most recent attempts during less severe bouts of depression. I like this because it allows me to get away from everything and clear my head, while being in a peaceful and serene environment. I recommend finding a place outside of town, or maybe in a large park where there aren't very many people. I hesistate to recommend something like this for severe cases however, since being alone in an unfamiliar place probably isn't such a great idea

Proactive things I've tried

• Meditation -- Meditating has done wonders for both my approach to every day life and my own internal monologue. It helps create a positive outlook on life from within, without forcing yourself. in a way, you develop the ability to recognize emotional responses to stimuli, but have a choice whether to allow those emotions to manifest themselves (this is different than burying or hiding your emotions). It also helps to accept things as they come and deal with them, not dwelling on the past, but learning from it and looking to the future. This all sounds like common sense stuff, and it is, but being able to calm your mind and train it to think this way is less than easy.
• Sleeping more -- This is a no-brainer as well, but I do seem to notice a correlation between lack of sleep and frequency of depression.
• Recognition -- This is one of those "admitting you have a problem is the first step" kinds of deals. Recognizing that my depression was not the direct result of some external issue and that there was nothing I could do to make it go away really allowed me to get my head around things and deal with it. The fact that I know now that it will go away after a few hours goes a long way towards helping with this when it occurs. Interestingly enough, recognition of the manic side of things was not as obvious. It was sort of a surprise one day when I was loving life and I realized "There is really no reason for me to be this ridiculously happy, especially when I felt so horrible just last night..." I was able to recognize it better from that point forward.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet that I do quite often is play the guitar. I haven't mentioned it because it gets it's own sort of special category, since I love to do it both when I am depressed and when I am manic. Guitar is a form of meditation for me and allows me to take my mind off of things when I am depressed. It is also super fun, which makes it a good thing to do when I am manic as well :). That is really what prompted this post in the first place.